It Hurts

Head buried in my hands
Silence...
Darkness...
Tears...
It's all I can do to fight how bad it hurts

It's all I can do to fight how bad
I want to be with you

When I see you, my whole world lights up.
And it's all I can do to fight back the tears
When you don't want to be with me.
When I feel like you're - not ignoring me - but,
Like just tolerating that I'm there.

Do you know how bad that hurts?
How it threatens to tear me apart
From the inside out, until I'm nothing
But alone again.

How bad it hurts, when I'm used to seeing your smiling face
Looking back at me
Like you're happy to see me too, but I don't.

The smile isn't there, or the words,
It's just silence between you and me.
I need to hear your words
I need to see your smile
You're the only one who can make it seem
Like everything will be ok, when I know it's not.

So when you act like we're not ok
I slowly start to fall apart,
Because you're the only thing holding me together.

I wish you could just understand
That I need you, more than you think I do,
And definitely more than you need me.
I just need you to know, that even though you're the reason that I'm hurt
You'll always be the reason that I smile...
Even if it hurts when you don't smile back.

It will always be my downfall
That you make me so happy,
And the pain will always only be mine.
Because you'll always be able to find light in something, or someone, else
But you are the only reason I've made it through the darkness
This long.

I just hope that... That I can keep fighting
Without you
And that one day, the pain that comes when you don't want to touch me, or see me, will be gone
And that maybe I'll be able to get over how much it hurts without you.

It's still so fresh,
But nothing new
I just wish you would realize how much I need you